7.5 Weeks to Go!

This break from Weight Watchers was exactly what I needed (not that I'd ever recommend becoming pregnant if you're burned out on your healthy eating journey!).  It has been so nice, and such a breath of fresh air, to just relax about food and not worry about every single thing I eat.

Having said that, I'm still looking forward to being done with pregnancy and getting back to weight loss.  It's fine whenever you have a legitimate excuse - I'm gaining weight because I'm pregnant.  Not so much when you're not growing a human!

I'm trying to take things one day at a time right now.  Over the last few weeks, I've developed heart palpitations along with a lot of cramping.  I've been under the care of a cardiologist who thinks everything is okay, but I'm still awaiting the test results from some blood work and the heart monitor I wore for 24 hrs.  I also go for an echo-cardiogram (a sonogram of the heart) next Tuesday.  Heart palpitations are something that can be normal for pregnant women due to the fact that we're pumping 50% more blood through our bodies, and also because the heart enlarges by about 12% when pregnant.  I pray that all of this checks out okay! Personally, I think much of this is due to stress, and I'm thankful that my doctor recently granted me full time work-from-home status just this week.  That is a huge burden lifted!

This is a total sidebar... but this picture below was from our baby moon to Virginia Beach a few weeks back.  Joel thought he could rent this bike and ride me around for an hour or so.  Uhhhh - who thinks he was being a little too optimistic??? He didn't make it 2 hotel lengths on the boardwalk before he was out of breath and saying "I can't do this!"  I was cracking up!  So we rented this thing for 2 hours and returned it in 15 minutes.  I had a hard time pedaling because of my belly and the awkward seating.  God love him...

While that crappy doctor that gave me a hard time about my weight gain insisted that all the cramping I was having was normal, the recent doctor's visit on Monday proved otherwise.  He thought my cervix was too short, and sent me to the hospital for more testing.  Turns out everything is fine, and I am definitely having cramps (proven by the fetal heart rate monitor), but not strong enough to be contractions yet.  That's all great news!  So, the mean doctor might have been right, but I feel much better knowing I've been checked out instead of someone just telling me everything is okay.

This weekend we're having maternity pictures taken, and next weekend we will be at a baby shower in Pennsylvania!  The end of pregnancy will be here before I know it, and I'm getting very nervous about it as each day passes.  I fear the pain, and I fear I won't be able to handle it even though I do want drugs.  Some people say not to get the drugs too early. Others tell me they got it and then it wore off by the time delivery came.  Still others tell me the drugs didn't even work for them.  Too much to worry about!

Weight Gain and Pregnancy... son of a...

I'm not sure there is a truly a polite way to tell an overweight person that they are, in fact, overweight.  All I know is that I know I'm overweight, and I don't want to be reminded that I am, especially whenever I'm in an already vulnerable position.

There's nothing like being told you're overweight as you're sitting in the obstetrician's office with no pants on (all for no reason, might I add!).

I guess it was only a matter of time before this conversation occurred.  I was so proud up to this point that my baby doctor had yet to address my weight.  I figured I was doing well, not gaining too much, since they never said a word to me about it.

It was only just last week after I had an appointment with a surgeon, over those dreadful hemorrhoids, that I learned what my current weight was - 269 lbs.  I was 240 lbs when I got pregnant.  Then I lost about 5 lbs due to the sickness.  So I've gained roughly 30 lbs so far with this pregnancy.  I was also pleasantly surprised at that number, since at my heaviest when starting this journey, I weighed in at 263 lbs.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Obviously those numbers mentioned above are nothing to celebrate.  Still, all of my blood work and vitals and tests always come back with flying colors.  My blood pressure and heart rate are always excellent (they say!), and so despite my heftiness, I thought I was doing pretty well.

Today I went in to the doctor because I might have a urinary tract infection, though I have to wait a few days for the results.  My practice is made up of many, many doctors and midwives, so I have yet to see the same person twice.   Today, for the first time, I was not happy.  I went in complaining about sharp, shooting pain in my cervical area, along with pain in my bladder every time I stood up.  I've also been having a lot of pressure in my pelvis.  The doctor stood there, and in all of her snarkiness, basically told me that everything I was experiencing was normal.  I have even been having cramps off and on, and so I was getting really worried about what was happening.  She basically said, "You're pregnant, what did you expect?"  Well, gee, I don't know - I've never been pregnant before!

But, apparently the more important topic on her agenda was my 4 lbs weight gain in the two weeks since I had last been there.  She said I should not be gaining any more weight between now and the delivery date!  Not that I want to gain weight, but honestly, I'm not trying to gain weight either - it's just happening.

Now, none of this is news to me.  I know the recommended weight gain for pregnancy varies depending on your starting weight (the heavier you are, the less it should be).  Still, I can promise you that I don't sit here and gorge myself.  In fact, I have a hard enough time eating everyday as it is.  In all honesty, if it didn't make me so sick, I could go all day and not eat.  I simply do not desire food.  For the first time in my life - I DO NOT DESIRE FOOD!  Now certainly, I'm not eating healthfully either.  Too much stuff initiates heartburn and nausea so I eat whatever I can keep down.  Still, for her to say that to me was like knocking the wind out of me.  It reminded me of times as a pre-teen, going to the pediatrician and him telling me, "All you have to do is eat your fruits and vegetables and not eat junk, and you'll lose the weight."  Easy for a "civilian" to say (sidenote: "civilian" is a term a former Weight Watchers leader used for naturally skinny people who don't worry much about eating and obsessing over food).

The fact is, this doctor rubbed me the wrong way before she even got started on the weight lecture, but that sure was the cherry on top.

Sometimes I feel like even though doctors are supposed to be the experts, they just aren't.  They don't know what it's like to be in my shoes (or any other overweight person's shoes), unless they've stood in those shoes before.  I didn't get the impression that she had - given how she bragged about giving birth to triplets despite being the "tiniest person in this entire practice - tehe".  Ugh!

I left today's appointment feeling totally blown and defeated.  She almost made me feel like I came in for nothing, even though I'm convinced I have a UTI.  It just doesn't make me feel like I can trust someone and what they say to me, when they make a mockery out of my circumstances.

Minor Health Issues

It's been a rough last few days around these parts.  Just when I felt like this pregnancy thing wasn't so bad afterall, something else comes up that knocks me off of my feet.

I hope that I can one day look back and laugh at how upset I am about this issue, but right now it's the only thing on my mind:  I've got hemorrhoids.

It was late on Wednesday while I was getting ready to go to bed that my butt started hurting.  I've had the hemms in the past so I knew what it was about, and I also knew they were highly likely during/after pregnancy.  I went to bed in a lot of pain - so much so that I could hardly fall asleep and awoke about an hour afterward in need of Tylenol.  They hurt so bad they were inducing a headache!  I've never had them THAT badly.

Well, I got up the next day and went into work.  I immediately switched out my usual desk chair for a more comfy one, hoping that would help ease the soreness.  No such luck.  I shared the story with a coworker and she fabricated an ice pack for me to sit on - it was glorious and really helped me to get through the rest of the work day.  That night I went to bed with far less pain.

Still, when I awoke on Friday, I just knew that I should try to get to the doctor if possible.  The standard over-the-counter meds weren't helping much.  Fortunately my OBGYN was able to fit me in with a 1 PM appointment.  The midwife told me she had never seen hemms quite that badly in a pregnant lady, and that even women who've already delivered don't typically get them that bad.  Great.  After consulting with the doctor, they both agreed that I should go see a gastroenterologist ASAP for a second opinion on them.  The OB sent me away with 2 prescriptions to help in the meantime, and an order of one week's worth of bedrest.  That's right, I'm pregnant and on bedrest - but not for the typical reasons!

I am set to see the doctor on Wednesday, and I'm actually looking forward to it.  My main concern is that they will get worse between now and June.  Also, I am worried about what might happen after the delivery, especially if I do deliver naturally.  I would imagine they would get worse, and if so, then what?  I know that people sometimes have to have surgery on them, and who wants to have surgery on their bottom after they've just delivered a baby?  That does not seem ideal!

My doctor insisted that the hemms are a complete result of the weight of my uterus on my colon, but I cannot help but wonder if they are due to me being overweight in general.  I mentioned having them before, and according to my doctor at that time, it was most likely due to my male-like habits at sitting on the toilet for 20 min at a time reading!  (It's because your butt muscles are "at attention" when you're sitting on the toilet.  Sit too long and the muscles get aggravated, hence causing the hemms).  

I've thought a lot about how being overweight has affected the pregnancy.  In general, I don't think it has much, with the exception of buying maternity clothes.  Despite the number on the scale, my vitals have always pointed toward a perfectly healthy individual - excellent blood pressure, excellent blood work, strong heart rate, etc.  I think I owe a lot of that to my previously active lifestyle.

However, when it comes to something like this, that I know can also be as a result of being overweight, I cannot help but wonder if it would've been different had I not been so heavy and pregnant.  It's hard to say.  I know many other women who are my age and are pregnant right now, who are not overweight, and who are experiencing some of the same issues I've had (such as hip pain when sleeping) and the hemms.  Still, I'm sure age is also on my side, and I know that once this baby makes her debut, I cannot wait to start the journey at removing the weight.

Pregnancy is a hard enough physical journey as it is - there is no sense in adding anymore unnecessary baggage, if you get my drift!

Projects Before Baby Arrives

I have a few things that I want to accomplish before the baby arrives.

1. Daycare: Many have warned us that we have to start as soon as possible in order to get ourselves on the waiting lists.  Just like I did with wedding planning, I'm procrastinating hardcore on this task.  It just seems complicated - choosing the right childcare for our kid, and hoping that you're getting your money's worth for the care they provide.  We're also in an unusual position where we won't necessarily ever need childcare a full 5 days/week.  I know that daycares don't allow you to pick and choose, so we're also considering a nanny.  Decisions, decisions.

2. Knitting: I've always wanted to learn how to knit and what better time than now?  Especially since I'm not currently taking nursing classes, I have much more free time.  My neighbor, Amelia, got me started with the basic knit stitch, and so I've decided to proceed with that - constructing a lavender baby blanket for the little lady.  So far I have just 5 squares done.  It takes me forever!  Amelia has promised to help me stitch the squares together once I'm ready.  I have 35 more squares to go - I hope I can make it in time!

I hope to work up to Kelly's level where I can actually read/follow a pattern and do more than just a simple baby blanket.
3. Getting rid of stuff:  We've been diligently cleaning out our spare bedroom (and the whole condo!) to convert it into a nursery.  So far we've made great progress, but there are still some big ticket items that need to go.  I've listed our old desk on Craigslist, and I have an entire Rubbermaid tote FILLED with books I've already read.  Those have been listed on Half.com. (Most of them are super cheap too - just 75 cents!)

4. Nursery Furniture:  We already have the crib, but we need to get the remaining furniture.  I'm not big on changing tables - they just don't seem like a practical piece of furniture - so I'd prefer to get a 6-drawer dresser that can serve as both the changing table and dresser.  Still, it's hard to find a 6-drawer dresser that isn't more than $500.  We're not trying to invest too much into this furniture, since we will be moving again sometime in the future, and who knows how many more times, and I don't want to have anything super nice that will just get knocked around in future moves.

5. Photography:  I've always had an interest in photography, but now that I have a DSLR I really want to take full advantage of all it can do.  I took an online class last summer via a LivingSocial deal (it was so-so), but I want to do more.  I have a photography book I want to get through, as well as tackle some more techniques in both Photoshop and Lightroom.  I like taking pictures of people, not scenes or objects, so it's been kind of tough finding people to practice on.  BUT, soon I will have a great subject to practice on and I can't wait :).

6. Financials:  My parents set me up with a life insurance policy a long time ago, but it wasn't doing so well and they finally cashed it in and gave me the money.  Now that I'm married, Joel and I really need to get a policy established and I'd like to get an education fund started for the baby.  One of the greatest gifts I've ever been given was having my college education paid in full for me thanks to my generous parents!  I want to be able to do the same for my child.  I do welcome input on this area - do you have an investment company that you work with that works well?

Do you have any big things you're trying to check off your to-do list between now and when the summer months start?

27 Weeks

Here's something unbelievable to me: I'm now 27 weeks pregnant!  This also means I have just 1 trimester left to go before the little girl makes her debut.   People told me this would go by fast, but I really cannot believe how quickly it has! 

I've been trying to take a belly picture every other week to capture the growth.  I think in the beginning this was ideal, since it didn't appear that much was really happening at all.  Now, I'm so glad I took the pictures because when I compare a picture from 19 weeks vs. 26 weeks - holy moly!  I've grown!

26 weeks - giving Kim Kardashian a run for her money
in the hiney department!

Last weekend we visited one of my favorite parks near Joel's childhood home.  It's a park that sits along an inlet of the Potomac River in Maryland.  I wanted him to take some pictures with the "fancy camera", but then I realized I forgot to put the memory card back in it.   I hate to be that person that blames things on "pregnancy brain", but if I don't say or do something as soon as the thought enters my mind, it is gone just that quickly.  Alas, we had to settle for iPhone pics, which weren't too bad. 

I know time is going to continue to fly between now and June.  My goodness, it's already practically the last week of March!   We have many weekends booking up between now and June and that is going to bring the little girl here before we know it.   We're taking a "babymoon" to Virginia Beach in mid-April (though we'd rather be going some place truly warm - like FL!).  I'm also proud to say that I scheduled a maternity photo-shoot with Emily from Elkinks for the beginning of May.  Yes, I am a plus-size pregnant lady, but I'm not going to let that hold me back from documenting this little girl's journey into the world.   I've done that far too many times with other things in my life.  Emily will also be doing our newborn shots, and those I most definitely cannot wait for!

I'm excited for my first baby shower, which is happening April 6.   I have to admit, I am feeling a little down about it though - 20 people were invited and less than half can make it :(.   Still, I have 3 more showers after this one to help prepare us for the little girl!  My office is hosting one during a lunch hour in mid-April, my mom is hosting one in May back in PA, and my mother-in-law is hosting one in MD the following weekend.   I hope we get a lot of the essentials for the little lady.  Our big ticket item is really just the stroller/carseat combo.   Everything else is just going to be "nice to have". 

If you are a mom, did you do a formal maternity photo shoot? Why or why not?

Did I Tell You?

It's a girl!!

12 weeks

 Yes, we are having ourselves a sweet, little lady.  Now, obviously there has to be a story that goes along with this.  As Joel would say, "You can't simply give the facts - you have to tell it as a 'story'".  I like to think of it as a gift!

Cutting to the chase, however, I did want a boy.  We both did.  In fact, I'd always said that should I ever get pregnant one day, I was convinced that I would only make boys.  I like boy things and I love the idea of having a mommy's boy.  I love my little almost-2 year old nephew so much (not that I don't also love my niece, but he is just special to me as a little man!) and felt such a repoire with him - I felt like I would only ever produce boys.  Yes, I know this is crazy-talk.  I know we don't get to pick and choose!  But, I was dreamin'!

Even after learning of the pregnancy, I was still convinced it was a boy.  During my last appointment for 2012, the doctor said I could learn the gender on February 4, and the countdown began!  I could not WAIT.  I was so anxious the day of the appointment that Joel had to take a break from holding my hand because of how sweaty it was.  I warned him it would get slick :).

The ultrasound tech began to perform the full anatomy scan as we anxiously awaited our fate.  Joel and I both discussed ahead of time that since we didn't want to have a child in the first place, it would probably be a girl since we especially wanted a boy!  Yes, the G-man continues to test us and remind us that this is His plan, not ours!  Sure enough, our lady confirmed the gender as a girl.  Joel said the moisture from my hands was immediately sucked dry and the look on my face was somber.  Yeah, it's true.  I cried during the ultrasound.

I had the boy's life already planned for him - the bedding/theme picked out.  His name.  All of his little clothes I couldn't wait to get for him.  I wouldn't even so much as glance at girl stuff in the stores because I just KNEW we were having a boy.  Wrong!

After the u/s appt was over, I had my monthly appointment immediately following it, where they confirmed that the baby looked as it should for this timeframe, and that because she was so active they had a hard time accounting for all her fingers and toes.  The tech literally could not count each individual digit because of how active she was.  Still, I'm not worried about her, and if she comes out with a finger or toe missing - then we'll count our blessings!  Worse things could happen.

20 weeks - I <3 her so much already :)

Joel tried his best to cheer me up.  Initially, I said that once we found out that we were, in fact, having a boy, that we would stop by Carter's on the way home so I could pick up some crab-themed outfits (Joel is from Maryland - the blue crab capital of the world! - and hence the baby's to-be theme).  I just didn't have it in me to go to Carter's to shop for girl clothes, but Joel convinced me we had to.  And as we walked into the store, there on a display table right directly in front of us was a little gift from God: little girl outfits with both crabs and fish all over them (Joel is a HUGE fisherman - he has his own fishing YouTube channel - and this was part of the fantasy of having a boy - so that he could be his daddy's fishing buddy.  Yes I know girl's can fish too.  But a fantasy is a fantasy.).  I was SO happy!  You have to realize that I've been in Carter's several times just fantasy shopping since we found out about the pregnancy, and I have NEVER seen these outfits there before.  We literally bought every single thing  that had a fish or crab on it for our daughter.

24 weeks

Now that more time has passed, and I've had the opportunity to do a little more shopping for the little lady, I'm much more excited about our future with her.  She already has a nicely stocked closet filled with clothes, and I've been slowly buying diapers in all sizes.  Plus, every single day the little lady is hard at work squirming around in there - and it's such a comfort feeling her movements throughout the day.  Joel has not yet been able to feel her (I'm now 24 weeks) but hopefully it won't be long before he can!  

What was your favorite part about being pregnant?  What was your reaction when you found out what you were having?

The Positive Side to Pregnancy

Now, there have been a few wins. 

In terms of food, I went from not being able to stand chocolate of any kind, to eating it like I normally would (binging), and now I've progressed to eating it in moderation.  Though, I'm still not overly crazy about chocolate like I once was.  I would honestly be okay if this food aversion stuck with me post pregnancy - chocolate is a HUGE downfall of mine!  While I'm not eating the best, most nutritious of foods, there are still a ton of foods that I simply cannot eat because they are unappealing, and thus would make me sick (french fries, greek yogurt, mac & cheese, chicken soup, granola bars, the list goes on!). 

Another huge win - automatic portion control!  I cannot overeat anything.  I get too full too quickly.  Not only that, but I'm pretty much satisfied once I've had a taste of whatever food I was desiring.  I went through a phase with candy, mainly sour candy.  As much as I love the sour taste of Sour Patch Kids or Sour Gummy Worms in my mouth, if I eat too many of them I'm sick.  I have been on a huge candy/sweetness kick, but my body is definitely letting me know that despite what my tongue is desiring, my belly nor baby does not appreciate it! 

Another example is that of Girl Scout Cookies.  Joel brought me a box of Thin Mints, Tag Alongs, and Samoas.  My pre-pregnancy self would have been shaking with anticipation of busting in to those puppies.  But, I had 2 Tag Alongs as soon as I opened the box and that was enough for me.  I even ended up not being able to finish the entire box of Samoas because I grew tired of them, so.... holy crap... I threw them away!!   What a powerful feeling when you gain that kind of control over food - throwing something away that was once so incredibly desirable I couldn't WAIT to eat it! I find that with every single thing I eat I only want a small portion of it, then I'm done.  This must be what it feels like for normal people when eating?  I mean, I didn't have strong desires for the cookies and I didn't even want to binge on them.  I just had a few and that was all I needed. 

I truly, truly hope this, almost mindful, way of eating sticks with me post pregnancy.

Some other non-food related wins to being pregnant is what many people refer to as "nesting".  I think that word sounds so idiotic.  It's supposed to refer to the feelings you and your partner get when preparing for the baby - having a desire to clean and organize and just ready your home for the new arrival.  When I think of "nesting", I think of the bird's nest that these little barn swallows would build every year on my parents patio - and it would cause a huge mess of both poop and nest debris!  So how is that even related?  Either way, I've been taking full advantage of these feelings to clean and organize our entire condo.  And by clean, I don't mean simply vacuuming and dusting.  I mean tearing every single inch of our belongings upside down and cleaning/reorganzing them!  Goodwill has seen many-a-donation from us these days!  We live in a 2 bedroom/2 bath condo that we rent.  Since the baby is due June 22, and our lease is up June 15, we're just going to renew for another year to alleviate the added stress of moving pre-delivery.  But, we've quickly learned how tight it's going to be to now have a third person with a third person's belongings in this space.  It has forced us to get very creative with our organizational skills.

Another pregnancy win has been my desire to get creative and crafty.  Since I've taken a temporary hiatus from nursing school, the amount of time I have available to me is glorious!  I've always wanted to learn how to knit, and so I decided I wanted to make a baby blanket for the little one.  With the help of my very special friend and neighbor, she kindly offered to teach me, and I've been well on my way to creating several squares for the blanket.  Now, right now I've only learned the knit stitch - not purling - so I'm just doing a very basic and simple blanket for now.  As time goes on I'd love to expand on this new craft and learn how to read a pattern, as well as purl, but I wanted to set the bar very low for this initial project :). 

What were some positive experiences you had while pregnant?  Also, do you have any must-have recommendations for a baby registry?